Need Clever New Similes

I am conducting an experiment that measures brain waves (EEG) as people hear clever and trivial similes. It is easy to create trivial similes ("happy as bee on a flower"). It is difficult to create clever ones ("happy as a snail with a motor").

Please send in new similes for any adjective you want ("exciting", "complicated", "silly", etc.). I might just use them in my brain wave experiment that tries to pinpoint how the brain responds to something clever (a mini 'aha' moment) as opposed to something obvious. (This experiment is being conducted at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.)

Similes can be in different forms. Maybe you have another form that is your favorite. Here are two:

"as happy as a mosquito at a bloodbank"
"as difficult as herding cats"

Silly Title-Author Combos

Create a title of a book and an author whose name is strangely connected to the title.

Examples:
"Over the Cliff" by Eileen Dover (I leaned over)
"From the Sun" by Ray O'Light (ray of light)

Segues

Newscasters often try to make clever transitions as they switch from one story to another.

First Story:
A mother barely makes it to the emergency room before she delivers her baby.

Segue to Weather:
"Speaking of deliveries, Mother Nature is about to deliver a large snowstorm which promises to dump up to a foot of snow over the area."

Create other segues between this news story and the weather story about a large snowstorm.

NPR Broadcast #2

This Saturday, March 12th, at 4 PM Pacific Time, you can listen to NPR's "A Way With Words" and hear me talk about new cell phone terms that were submitted to this blog on January 17th.

If you don't get this show in your area, you can listen live at their website (go to the website below and click on "Listen Now") or look in their "Audio Archives" if you miss the live broadcast.

http://www.kpbs.org/Radio/DynPage.php?id=12

Stitch Proverb

"A stitch in time saves nine."

Create a new saying that has the meaning that by doing something small now you can prevent something major in the future.

Example:
If you don't change your oil, you'll be changing your engine.

Fire Headline

Create a headline for the following news story.

"A fast food restaurant burns to the ground overnight."

Go ahead, put in a pun.

Examples:
"Burger King Gets Flame-Broiled"
"Where There's Smoke, There's Fries"

Omelette Proverb

(I'm into food these days.)

"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs."

Create a new proverb that has the same meaning. Either create one that has the same form or create one (or find one) with a different form.

Examples:
(new) "You can't win the race without breaking a sweat."
(old) "No pain, no gain."